Maddie Jackson

I texted a friend that I have who isn’t a believer and told him that I’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately because I hadn’t been able to talk to my best friend. He asked me why I hadn’t called her and I realized what I had said and replied to him that I was talking about my Jesus. My Jesus. I sent the text message and then went and got in my car to drive around. Because the truth of this season, is that I haven’t found connection with my Jesus very much. And I know that’s due to a lack of trying on my part, but no matter if it’s my lack of commitment or not, I couldn’t help but feel that he was so far away from me. The person- the God that I love more than anything else feels absence. But, my relationship with my Jesus is a lot more than a feeling; it’s a deep love and commitment. It’s a commitment to continue to love him and go to him even when the lies in my head feel bigger than his truth. The lessons of this season aren’t laced in happiness and sweet song lyrics and a pretty bow to tie it all together. The truth of this season is that my daily talks with my Jesus have been a struggle, but I have gratefulness in that. I have gratefulness in driving around by myself in my car late at night with no other way to reach out to Jesus than to simply be still, and even when I don’t feel it, I know with every piece of my soul that he is sitting in the passenger seat with a hand laid on top of the one I always let rest on my leg. And in those quiet moments of being still, I’m grateful for the love of a savior that forgives me when everything isn’t always together and always sits next to me. I’m thankful for a love that brings a deep-seated joy in all seasons- even in the seasons where the most I have to give is to just be still and keep driving.