Carrington Long

I used to believe a misconception that God would be disappointed in me or allow bad things to happen if I didn’t do my “Spiritual Routine” right. My thoughts would run rampant, which increased my fears about the future and the unknown. I thought God would allow some of my scariest thoughts to happen if I didn’t pray to Him the right way or say the right prayer. I craved for my mind to turn off and avoid those paralyzing thoughts. I knew God was NOT like the God I had in my mind, but I kept treating Him like He was judging every thought and reaction. And if my prayer weren’t a good enough response to my thoughts, my fears would come true. I know, it sounds pretty wild, but it was. I allowed mountains of fear to accumulate. I never really told others because I didn’t know how to put it into words that made sense. And I couldn’t keep it to myself, or I would overthink and make false assumptions which plummeted me into deeper fears in my mind. My faith decreased as my fears increased. The thing is, I knew the Word — the Truth. I needed to believe it. Matthew 17:20 says, “For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Jesus tells me that I need 1-2 millimeters (or less than half an inch) of faith, which is all God is asking of me right now. That truth set me free. All I need is a tiny mustard seed amount of faith for these mountains in my life to be moved. I started to apply that to my mountains of fear, worry and overthinking. I began to ask God to increase my faith in Him and for continual growth because while faith the size of a mustard seed is a freeing starting point, it’s not my end goal. My discipler posted a video about asking God to reveal His specific promises in your life, so I got in my journal and wrote a letter to myself from God. Page after page of truths was being poured out that God wanted me to know as I continue to walk in my personal relationship with Him. One promise is that God wants me, and everyone, to enjoy life! Our Perfect Father did not create His people to fear or fret all day about the future or have a war waging 24/7 in your mind. That is not the right kind of fear I should have when I think of God. No, it should be an awe, a respect, and a reverence to the Lord. He reminded me that He is my Friend, Father, and Protector. As long as I seek the Lord, He will continue to make my paths straight and give me His peace in my mind and heart. This truth is just as much for you as it is for me. God loves me exactly where I am. He is already working for me. There will be days I will feel Him more than others, but I cannot stop when I do not feel Him. Even when I don’t feel Him, I know He is moving. So I will go back to the promises of God through prayer, worship, community, Scripture, and time with Him, to remind myself of my Prince of Peace. All I have to do is draw near and keep drawing near, and He will reveal Himself in ways He knows I need Him in my life, and the Lord will draw near to me. God is trustworthy. He does hear my prayers. There is not a special formula or routine to follow for God to bless and hear us. He wants to remind us every day of His love and power and faithfulness. Return to the Word to find the truth of what we desperately need to hold onto. Pray for a new and fresh desire in your heart for Him — a desire to feel Him and be filled by His presence in an almost tangible way, like a hug from God. Sometimes you so desperately need that hug.